


✩ a ripple in water

by yugkookisreal



Series: epigraph [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: How Do I Tag, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Bad at Feelings, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Past, Yoo Kihyun Is a Little Shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 19:01:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17106332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yugkookisreal/pseuds/yugkookisreal
Summary: ✩  yoo kihyun is having a breakdown and is ignoring min yoongi. but min yoongi is determined to talk.





	✩ a ripple in water

**Author's Note:**

> Basically followup the past oneshot. Hope you like this.  
> This probably have a lot of mistakes but I'm a lazy bitch who rarely have time to check it again. But anywho I wrote 5000+ words and I'm so proud of this so yes.

✩

kihyun surrounded himself in tea, cheap potato chips and pork buns from the old store at the end of the village; and the occasional pop from his centuries old radio as he holed himself in his small cottage. it was comforting, and he didn't want himself to get out of the warm cocoon of his bed.

but he couldn't get himself to get a sick day at work, the weathered face of his boss grinning at him with age old youthfulness made guilt bloom in his heart. and so he left earlier then the blonde and left later in the evening when the trees were shredding crimson leaves in the heavy wind. 

the humidity had returned and he sometimes felt himself choke on the moist chips he stashed in his sink. 

he did everything to avoid min yoongi, the man he couldn't get himself to face after the stormy night a week ago. neither could he get himself to walk past his long dead parents house without glancing at the open pane of yoongi's old window. or get himself to leave at the correct time, all because min yoongi strolled with his fluffed pet at that very time. 

in the comfort of his home, a bun in his mouth and news as his background noise he wondered why the older was here. but with having lost the confidence with which he had confronted yoongi, he couldn't get himself to bang in his life again. he was his past, a part of the past he had ran away from, only for him to return with electronics, notebooks and a dog called holly. kihyun was sure yoongi was going to return back to the splendor of his life with seoul, in a few days at most. his conversation with the older had confirmed his distaste for the village but then why had yoongi kissed him back.

yoongi had loved him, once upon a time but missing him back meant something quite different.

kihyun had been venting then and in his feverishness he had kissed the older. but kihyun had felt his heart warm, a feeling he only had associated with yoongi, ages ago. when yoongi had just left and he had been lying in the fields, with the locket he had  later thrown in his frothing sea, letting the sun warm his face as the warmth spread in his heart. he had dismissed it then, he had an excuse. his heart had been aching and the cold can had been lulling him back to the thoughts about the uncertain future.

later that night he had pushed everything yoongi had owned which he had in a box and under his bed and slept fitfully. his parents had been arguing then, screams, yells and the occasional crash had kept him awake but he had found sleep as the sun had crept back in the sky.

he inhaled the last piece of the pork bun and leaned back into his bed, fiddling with his phone which only had one contact. and it was of his boss, a kind old man who comforted him when the insults got to much, who acted more of a father figure then his own father did. aside from him he had nobody. nearly a quarter of his old classmates still resided in the village, unable to move ahead and gave him the same disinterested face when he dealt with them. and he found himself not giving a fuck about them.

his stomach growled, the last of the buns or the tea weren't enough for his appetite and a deep sigh left him. pushing himself from the bed, jacket over his shoulders and his wallet deep in his back pocket he marched out in his bristling air. and he walked, hot air coming out his nose in puffs. 

it was the middle of november and winter was on his way to freeze the only fresh air they've got. and not even his jacket or his worn wool sweater underneath was helping him keep warm. the streets were bare and dark, wind dead and leaves pushed into a heap. his steps seemed to echo, his breath loud in the silence as he shivered at the night autumn cold. 

he power walked his way to the over hill store, which was open even at midnight and housed several drunks in its ground floor. it was usually filled with the old and the strangers from high school, due to which he opted to buy the bottles and drink in the confinements of his home. 

the bell jingled as he made his way inside the warm store and into the familiar row housing  chips and other products. the cashier was half asleep, his brown locks messy and purple bruises under his eyelids. he was the son of the store owner, a teen who dreamed too much and did little. the kid reminded him of himself sometimes when he was talking loudly in the streets with large hand movements. 

he didn't want to disturb him but he had a growling stomach to take off and so he dumped the several packs of chips on the counter along with the handful of money. and the teen immediately woke up with an ease done by practice and counted the items with dropping eyes.

another sigh left, one to many for this entirety of a week as he leaned on the till, arms crossed as he read the day old newspaper advertised at the front.

the bell jingled again, announcing another customer and he turned around to see who couldn't sleep. the first thing he saw was the overlarge hoodie and loose jeans, a cap pulled low over his head. pink soft lips, pale cheeks dusted pink greeted him as the man looked at him, dark brooding eyes staring at his own.

his mouth pursed up and he broke eye contact to stare at the young cashier. he could feel the heated stare on him and he didn't dare glance at his back, afraid he'll catch the confused dark stare glaring into his own. he heard him move away, walking at a slow pace to the back of the store, letting out a deep sigh which chilled his spine. 

"32 0000 won please", the voice was soft and sleepy and instead of breaking the silence it increased it. he pushed the money forward with a soft inhale, glancing at the clock which read 01:01 at midnight. "thank you for shopping yoo ssi". he nodded, smiling at a teen before quickly bagging the chips.

and suddenly he heard the soft patting of slippers moving his way, causing his pace to increase. "bye minhyung". he called out as he walked back outside in the cold, the black bag swinging in his hold.

he kept a fast pace as he walked, not wanting to give anyone the impression that he was trying to outrun them and was merely walking home at midnight and not avoiding the said person. his heart sped up as he heard the soft patter of footsteps behind him, but didn't turn to face the one causing it. he wasn't ready to talk to him but he couldn't outrun him when the older was just behind him. 

"kihyun", yoongi called out, grasping at his arm and pulling him back to face him. and though kihyun was a few centimetres taller then yoongi he felt his heart speed up as the older stared back at him with a frown, mouth pulled into a soft pout. 

and suddenly he was back at yoongi's house, leaning on the headboard and staring at the him as yoongi banged on his old radio. it was the last time he had seen yoongi and the last time he had been inside his house. it had been casual, with curses leaving the older's lips as he tried to make the radio work. he had voiced his thoughts out again. " this piece of junk refuses to fucking work and kihyun-ah just you wait. someday we're both going to leave this place and never set foot in his wretched place again".

it hadn't been the first time he had said it but it had been the last, as he had left two days later in the dead of the night. kihyun had chuckled at that, speaking out in a murmur. "what about your parents?"

he had already known the answer but he had still wanted him to say it, and once a verminous "fuck them" left his lips kuhyun had been leaning forward and flickering yoongi on his ear. yoongi had screeched and pushed at him until he was too close to him, breathing on his forehead. and suddenly he had kissed his cheek and kihyun had yelled, rubbing at his cheek.

it had been later that year that it had occurred to him that it had meant more to the older then they had let again, brushing it away with a flail arms on yoongi's face. the older had tried to put his feelings out in the air, in his own weird way and kihyun had shut him down without even knowing it.

and now staring at his ebony orbs, kihyun wanted to question him again but stopped himself at the last second. "Are you seriously ignoring me?"

he knew it was coming but it still made him then his head away and break eye contact. yoongi still had a hold on his wrist but he moved away enough to not stare at his clothed head at such a close range. it didn't matter that somehow the older was smelling like the city, all tall buildings and hidden secrets.

the silence seemed to stretch on, with none of them talking and kihyun wanted to just escape it. but he wasn't going to admit something so blatantly obvious."okay then". yoongi exhaled with a tone of finality before tugging at his wrist. "come on".

kihyun stumbled, nearly plowing into the older male. "what? where are we going?" frantic questions, although hushed were leaving his mouth as he let yoongi drag him away. it was dark, with nearly no street lamps illuminating the path but somehow kihyun already knew where they were going. the streets were familiar, the drooping branches on a dead tree, a jungle for a backyard and the broken tricycle were still there; right in the streets which led to the min's.

" yoongi no. i i can't go in there". he complained, tugging at the hold on his wrist but yoongi turned around and then kihyun couldn't do anything but let himself be led. even as children yoongi didn't talk much and showed his emotions through his body language. it was due to this fact he  felt rather intimidating and it always got in the way for him to make a lot of friends. kihyun was lucky to have met him, the angry teen who bested everyone at the village because he was a 'genius'. 

and soon, the old house was looming in front of him, yoongi's phone's flashlight on as he opened the door and ushered him inside. he stood at the entrance while yoongi shuffled inside and into the small kitchen. "kihyun-ah do you want some coffee? I'm brewing a pot".

kihyun didn't like coffee and had stopped drinking the bitter liquid for fuel ages ago . but he still nodded before noticing that yoongi couldn't see and called out a yeah before talking off his shoes and tentatively moving in. 

in all these years kihyun had expected the interior to be in decline, with no one to take of it but the ugly vase was on the table. he had expected the white walls to have turned yellow, or for something to give off a dark feeling. but the small house still felt alive, still thriving though it was through another's hands. 

the pictures had been cleared and the heavy tablecloths mrs min had all over were gone and probably shoved under the kitchen sink. instead of it being filled with familial stuff, a black couch and an occupied dog bed was in the room, with squeaky toys littering the floor. 

and he moved into the kitchen to see that the room had been no equipped with more electronics then a fridge. yoongi sat on the marble counter, scowling down at his phone. "why didn't you come back for their funeral?" 

the question escaped his lips before he could think it through and now yoongi was looking up with the same constipated expression. "i found out too late". it was no excuse but for yoongi it was. the yoongi he knew would've never returned but then this wasn't the min yoongi he had befriended in middle school. 

he kept standing and yoongi kept staring with that unreadable expression shadowing his face. "you know", he broke the silence as kihyun shifted to look straight at yoongi. "i wasn't lying when i said i came back for you. i could've been in macau right but i came back. i came back for someone who mattered to me more then i cared to admit".

kihyun knows how hard it is to finally speak your mind but he still couldn't get himself to change his expression from the blank one he had. he bit his lip. "i know. but you know i can't forgive you. not yet. maybe ever. you left a unhealed scar yoongi and i don't think its going to ever mend".

"and that's why i'm not asking you to forgive me. kihyun i want to start over and that's why-" and kihyun surged forward to reach the coffee maker and take the pot of hot liquid to the cabinets. "i can do it".

"shut up". kihyun hissed. too many emotions were now clashing in his brain, and he had an inkling what the older was going to say. "i know you're leaving".

yoongi nodded, his eyes not straying from the pot as kihyun searched the cabinets for coffee mugs and pour the drink in them. "tomorrow morning. and i want you to come with me. i need you to".

his movements completely stilled as he turned to look at him, eyes disbelieving and surprised but in the end he decided to keep silent. it was probably better then arguing with the older. 

he could his stare burning through him, arguing him to answer. but he wanted a confirmative to an order, an challenge wafting through the air and he wasn't going to give in. not until he had nothing left to argue with.

but then the yoongi was someone you couldn't argue with, his replies were too cyclical, harsh and apparent like the dying alone in this village. and so saying silent was the best option, or at least what peeved the older in his teen years.

pouring the hot drink into the two identical mugs- a bit chipped at the edges as they were, and pushed himself onto a marble counter. he watched as yoongi waited, sighing and grabbing at the mug as kihyun slurped at the warm liquid and didn't acknowledged his demand. 

the air was tense, waiting for an answer which refused to leave his lips. neither would kihyun reply to that in the affirmative or the negative because the deary life in the village had taught him to him decisions with care. even if it included his ex best friend who had returned the kiss in the best manner.

yoongi watched him as he left to get his chips.

with a lingering gaze at the brown curled puppy, kihyun walked back inside the small kitchen holding on to his substitute chips, honey butter chips. it wasn't that he hated it or disliked the magical sweetness of honey layered on simple potato chips. it was heavenly but it didn't fit the atmosphere he had shrouded himself with this week.  
but there weren't potato chips left for him to feast on in the small store, just packets of honey butter potato chips overfilling the whole section.

yoongi wrinkled his nose when he opened the packet, staring at the chips with a curl of his lip. even through the thick atmosphere kihyun found himself smirking, inching the packet towards the older invitingly, knowing the answer fully well. "want some?"

" absolutely not".

and then the tense silence was back, running through the old walls and the cracked floors into their bodies. kihyun shivered but kept eating his chips, refusing to take his eyes of the dark stain in the wall. 

"kihyun. i'm sorry about…", the words hung heavy in the air, choking him. he wanted to leave, run before he could blurt out something he didn't mean. the words were strange, everything about yoongi was strange. he was strange.

and was kihyun was supposed to do with the knowledge that husk of yoongi was back, with all the memories but without everything kihyun had associated him with. how could accept that, how could he? yoongi was supposed to the crass yoongi of the past, the one who'll trace his jaw with such softness that kihyun wanted to scream. 

whenever he closed his eyes there was yoongi, eyes dark and hair blonde towering over him like a skyscraper; and behind him the villagers. the curious glances they threw his way once yoongi was back, like they were waiting for him to blow and push him away. but he did crash and cried but he pulled yoongi closer to him instead. why did he have to kiss him, why did he have to ruin everything he set up all these years ago.

his jaw clenched, and he turned to look at the blonde. yoongi was looking at him, gnawing at his lip and waiting for an answer. but what was he supposed to say? that it was fine or he should forget about it, he couldn't say that.

"what are you apologising for? the kiss was my fault and what happened before…i can't forgive for that so leave it". he muttered, ducking his head and letting his hair obscure his eyes from the other.

yoongi was silent as he walked towards him, before leaning on the counter beside him. "why did you though? you didn't return my feelings when it mattered the most and now you. kissed me".

he looked up, letting out a dry laugh. "you never told me you loved me, you bitch ! ", and the frustration was gone, like it was never there. leaving him blank and his voice lower. like he was muttering the words to him. and maybe he was." and though i wouldn't be loved you back, i wouldn't have abandoned you. i would've stayed there until something happened. right?"

the older flinched and kihyun looked away, the tension in his shoulders reminded him of the old yoongi and he wasn't going to make the mistake again of thinking of them as one fucking person.

yoongi wasn't talking again, his hand twitching by his side. " but why did you do it? why did you kiss me? why…why now?"

"do you still like me?" his voice was low, too low but yoongi somehow heard it.

and answered back, slow and drawling and confused. "i don't know how to answer to this, kihyun. would you throw yourself in that cage of a home if i said something to hear? would you run away again or would you accept it?"

run. i would run. i would run from anything that's you, min yoongi. "just answer, will you yoongi?" his voice was sharp but emotionless. he knew his answer will be, he knew but he still wanted to hear it. finally hear what the feathered touches meant, finally hear what he had thought. to get the truth which will..what will it do?

torture his mind further with poison he had poured in his brain already. put another layer in his walls, end what his mind associated with min yoongi even if it meant putting it to rest.

his hand was on his in seconds, blunt nails digging into his arm with a urgency he was starting to hate. "then don't run, yoo kihyun. don't you fucking run".

the fire was back and kihyun flinched back, pulling his arm free before hissing at him. " forget it then. i'm leaving". just when he had thought the old yoongi was dead he had to come back. yoongi's seemed to be blazing with a ferociously which caused his heart to ache. 

he closed his eyes and turned to leave but yoongi was talking again. "i loved you yoo kihyun. i loved you, more then anything i have ever loved and will love. and i know it was my fault that i lost you, all those years. And here's the thing, kihyun i loved you then and love you now...but i guess you already knew that, didn't you?"

he nodded and left, closing the door behind him.

✩

 

he lay in bed, in the dark with the covers pulled all the way over his head. 

why did have to ask him, why? was it because there was this flicker of hope nestled in his chest which wanted to hear it, wanted him to say it fucking finally.

he was reminded of the time when the two of them were at the beach, lazy waves lapping at their bare legs. it was summer, the hottest one in a decade and with thrown school bags and rumpled clothes pushed into a sandy heap, they had no care in the world. it was another one of those days in which yoongi had argued with his parents and refused to listen to kihyun, instead opting to drag him under the saltiness.  
"yoongi ! ". he had screeched, clawing at his arm laughter hurting his stomach as yoongi pushed him in. the sand had slipped from under him, his elbows grazing against something as he fell. the sea was cold and it had hit him with a scream. and then yoongi had been there, his arms wrapped tightly around him, his feet deep in the sand, trying to stay under the sea longer.

his eyes had been open, red rimming his eyelids, his arms around the broad shoulders of the other male. and then they had been pushed out of the sea, gasping and coughing. hair plastered to their foreheads, his elbows hurting slightly as he had rested his head on the older's chest. he had been warm and he had chuckled on his skin, arms wrapping around his thin frame. yoongi had been laughing, his fingers running through his wet locks and tracing the back of his neck.

even then kihyun had known that they were too close but it had mattered little to him then, not with yoongi pressed so close to him. he hadn't dwelled on that until yoongi was gone, out of reach. 

he had smiled as yoongi's fingers had stretched across his back, fingers callused and familiar. there had been this twinkle in his eyes then, the same twinkle he had seen last night. "yoongi-ah promise me that you'll never forget about me. promise that when we're old and frail and yeonma wants me, you won't forget me, this summer, us for as long as you're alive?"

yoongi had laughed then, pushing his chests closer until kihyun was whining about the heat. "what makes you think i'll live a century after you, I would be too much to stay healthy that long, kiha". kihyun had chuckled at him, smiling as he had dug his elbows beside his head. 

"please?" he had stretched the word out eyes widening and mouth forming into a pout, had noticed how yoongi had gasped and tickled his neck. 

"if you promise to love me forever, kihyun-ah".

kihyun had giggled, he had been crazily happy that day with the result of his test in his bag and couldn't help himself but act childishly around the older. he knew yoongi wouldn't judge even if his own family would. "as professer snape says, always, yoongi-ah".

"he doesn't say his name, does he kihyun-ssi?" 

the voice had caused them to pull apart so quickly that kihyun could still feel the elbow hitting his ribs and yoongi falling back down with a curse.

"you should return home kihyun-ssi before your father gets the wrong idea and catches you with him. he's angrier then usual so you should run home".

 

✩

he wakes up, soft gasps leaving his lips at the sudden dream. he had somehow fallen asleep, in between his insistent worrying clouding his mind. the memory had been lost in the mess of heartbreak a decade ago and remembering it now, he thought about him. if his hyung was fine and how life was treating him?

then there was the matter with yoongi, a friend who had mattered more to him then he would have thought. kihyun wouldn't say it but in the silence of the one room cottage he could think one thing: that how much he denied it, how much unresolved tension, anger and betrayal layered the glare in his eyes, he still felt something for the older. Something dangerously near to what he felt around the old yoongi.

and the decision was made. 

he found himself scrambling to put away all of his belongings in his little suitcase, mumbling the same question again and again. why was he deciding on leaving with yoongi? was it because he knew it was the only way to escape his past and put everything to rest?

who was this for?

who was this for?

who was this for?

he couldn't bring himself to answer. and even if he had an answer to that he wouldn't have admitted anything to himself as it meant being selfish and betraying himself.

he just had to reach the min's house before yoongi left. it was still early but then he didn't know when the older was leaving and it left a bad taste in his mouth. kihyun knew yoongi wasn't an early riser but things had changed now and this habit might've been lost in the awake city.  
he didn't know yoongi, not completely and it didn't sit well with him. 

and somehow he was still moving towards the familiar house, the small suitcase heavy in his hand and reminding him of the uncertainty which swam through his bloodstream.

so shouldn't be stop running after him. he already left him once and stupidly he was still following that minx. and what did it leave him in?

"kihyun ssi where are you going?" the startled shout made him stop and turn and look at the owner. it was him, that snake of a bitch he had successfully ignored for years and suddenly bile and anger was running up his throat. 

"somewhere, kim ssi". he replied, his lips pursed as he tried to soften his tone.

"with your suitcase?". the man said, walking towards with his cane and twisted expression on his face. was he trying to pull off a concerned look? how strange of him, kihyun wanted to laugh. "has the man perhaps thrown you out? good riddance I say. you can find better accommodation than that shack on this beautiful village of ours".

"…i'm leaving this place kim ssi". he hissed through clenched teeth. the man he was ridiculing was the rare ones of those who cared enough for him when the likes of you tried to throw him out. and for an accusation didn't know was true at that time.

the man blinked at him, and kihyun wanted to leave. anger still laced his veins and since a child, he never had been able to control his emotions well. "..with that wretched min? kihyun ssi he might have come back golden and all but he's still that rude child we all knew".

"yes but i'm getting late so if you don't mind, i will take my leave now". 

and hope that yoongi doesn't reject him once he gets there.

fuck.

 

but before he could think of any excuse he was standing in front of the house and by the looks of it, yoongi was still in the middle of leaving. a suspicious looking jeep was surrounded by two suitcases and many bags along with an awkwardly propped up dog bed. why did he bring so many for such a small stay when kihyun could barely fit his minimal belongings in a suitcase.

"kihyun?" he turned around, heart in his throat to see a confused yoongi holding a cuddly dog in his arms. his eyebrows were furrowed and eyes were a mess of emotions but the familiar curl of his lip offered a solace. he had been hopeful, kihyun had known from the start but to see the relief course through him in a matter of seconds was nostalgic of sorts. living with the older would probably be too nostalgic , he thought especially when he was a sap for things like this.

except when the drama didn't surround him. 

 

 

✩


End file.
